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na2yra
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| Moving.
To a place where I can call my own.
To a place where no one will laugh and scrutinize.
To a place were I know you wouldn't read.
And don't bother asking me for the URL. Cause it isn't even one.
Bye cocoachannel<3
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| I know I don't exactly have the best attitude, and in fact, I wholeheartedly acknowledge my attitude problem, and my inability to play the mental game as well as you, but that doesn't mean that you can laugh, cause it really isn't funny. Every split I get, I see your smirk. Every strike I get, you smirk even wider. Thanks a lot.Why are you so mean): But I'm equally horrible. Hence I shall not complain about you.
Okay, so maybe AIA wasn't so bad at all, since I never expected to qualify or even go near it anyway. But hey, I messed up 3 out of 5 mqs, so that's a 60% failure; somewhat like me only passing 2 out of 5 interviews in my entire life. Joy, oh joy, Jermaine Ng, you keep messing up, don't you.
Then again, on the bright side, I think I've made a lot more friends but yeah I guess I do get too chummy with people. I guess its a trait that's built in my family most old aunties. Ah, once again, I'm ageing prematurely. First my back aches from standing for 9 hours, then I start talking like an auntie. And I speech like wanz too. Wahlauz, my engrand veli pro.
Fell on the lanes today, like urgh embarrassment level shot up to 110%, how disgusting, how embarrassing, and I've acquired a new bruise. Yay. Falling in front of extremely prodded people = very, very embarrassing.
I can't continue to put up this facade, its getting painful to even hold up. I'm not as good as you and will never be; we're nowhere near the same league. So stop it.
I'm not sure if I should go down to watch tomorrow. Since I'm not even in anyway. And you know, I've been in Faber for the past couple of days, staying from 12 to 9. I need a life yo. Squads keep delaying, and Uncle Adam owes me 24 chocolate bars! But then again, thanks for buying me dinner:)
1 huge plate of Char Kway Teow in 9 minutes. Indigestion alert, but it was still really nice. The prawns were really fresh (but there were only two!) and uh the company was great. Ahahha Uncle Adam, Clara and Helmi the suanner. One day I'll grow taller than you okay.
Poor Tessa's squad always gets delayed until about 8.30pm, but I'm such a bad friend, I didn't stay to watch the entire squad): Like today, I trottled off to eat dinner. And yesterday, I left early. Okay actually I left at the start of your 4th game today. I did the lane draw and put you on the corner lanes again):
Some kind of teammate I am huh. Always showing a black face and crying. Damn it Jermaine Ng, I hate you more than I did yesterday.
[edit]
Okay maybe I shouldn't go down tomorrow. I'll just jinx everyone I'm watching. So yeah you people better bowl well. Like Rachel, Tau, Hui Erh, Iris, Denise, Grace, Darshini, Daryl and anyone else I haven't mentioned.
Grr. My score on the singaporebowling website is still 129. Oh the embarrassment.
Thank you saturn for being such a nice friend and encouraging me all the way through, I guess it's just the mental game that I'm losing so badly at. I've never really considered the feelings of my friends, I've always been so self-centred.
Quitting for a while just means that you will have to work that much
harder to catch up. It's still not a set-back... think of it more as a new challenge!  ;
I guess that's what I'll have to believe in. That I was stupid. To quit and want to pick it up again.
Sorry for being a complete freak, idiot, meanie pokk and whatever. Must. Start. Being. Nice. Can't. Be. Irritating. Anymore.
Oh such joy.
PS: I think I'm moving to a remote place where I can really type without any censorship required.
Then again, I'm not exactly censoring anything. hello, I can hardly keep my mouth shut for a few seconds.
[/edit]
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| resting heartbeat of 96.
sleepy.
yet happy.
attitude problem yo.
going to update tomorrow.
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| Okay maybe today wasn't that bad, but I'm feeling really guilty for lots of things (inclusive of my massive Attitude Problem), and I know you'll never read this, or even if you do, you wouldn't know why I'm apologizing. I'm really sorry, it's all my fault):
ANYWAY.
Shopping with Cuzzin on sunday was really, really great, Ms Yap's the only person who shops at the same places as I do (apart from Rachel) and yeah we're seriously similar.
1. We can shop till our feet hurt, but we'll still wear heels.
2. We can forget about dinner while shopping.
3. We both think that TopShop has weird collections at times.
4. We never complete what we set out to do.
okay so maybe number 4 is a little bit of an exaggeration. But we did set out to buy accessories and ended up buying clothes. When we returned to TopShop to look for shades, we ended up trying clothes and criticizing this heavy dress in the Kate Moss collection, only to realise that she looked really nice in it. And no, the shades collection vanished.
Ended up trying clothes from Fcuk which are all too big for me (therefore, Zhi Min says that I'll 增肥while she 减肥 so that our sizes will even out nicely.
I ended up blasting my money on this really nice pair of pants from Esprit. Since it was the last pair they had, we asked them to check if great world had a pair (cause they always have everything), but they didn't, so the poor pants went through severe scrutiny before the seal of approval was stamped onto it.
So we tried on lots of clothes, hopping all over wisma, before finally eating dinner at 9pm.
Argh, my memory fails me. I can't remember exact quotes):
anyway cuzzin, you're supposed to treat me to dinner! At that Indochine place, thank you very much. haha.
<3
PS: I'm still really sorry. Sorry sorry sorry):
[edit]
Since everyone has recounted their funny sycc moments, I think I should too. Just that I don't have that many.
1. The lane marshall who had has a really bad attitude problem. No seriously, she was so annoying. She told us that we were bowling "damn slow" at 11.20pm, and told us to speed up (she was glaring at us, the younger damsels in distress, or as Mrs David puts it, Damsee generation).
And we weren't even the slow bowlers! Plus, the lanes kept breaking down, with odd issues such as missing pins and balls getting caught, not to mention the fact that we edited our own scores multiple times. Grr. When we complained to Mr Yeoh, he said "You mean *so-and-so*? She only talks to handsome guys." ahahhaha.
2. I guttered so much, my ball kept spinning that it wasn't funny anymore, even 20-15 guttered, total of 7 gutter frames, wowza. And I used up my tear quota.
3. There was a guy next to us who was rather odd, he kept smacking his butt after he strike-d, and what's worse, he'll whack our hands realllllll hard after that. Oh and he kept swearing (I can't stand those words that he uttered, so vile and crude)
4. I was stuck at lane 13-14 today, resulting in a very loud "OH MY GOD, UNCLE ADAM, I'M ON THOSE LANES!!! YOU KNOW, LANE 13 AND 14!! ARGH!!" and getting laughed at by Auntie Veronica. BTW, lane 13 still sucks.
5. Today was just like training, only in a different venue. Even though we were told to "hurry up, because we have another squad coming in later" during the lane change, we didn't. I was in half the mind to bowl so slowly that the next squad could only start at 8pm. But of course, I didn't.
6. ABBY REFUSED TO SAY HI TO HER DRUGGIE
7. Uncle Adam came down today, and forgot to take the shoebag that I passed to him.
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Jermaine; I'm sorry its all my fault): |
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you left the shoe bag at
yishun! |
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Jermaine; I'm sorry its all my fault): |
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haha
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chew |
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old alr
la |
8. I've been talking to so many people, some that I've only talked to for 2 days, but everyone seems like an old chum to me! Ahh. Something is obviously wrong with my fiddled brain.
9. Stacy's brother thinks that I'm Jasmine :/
10. Chris: Isn't your brother 3?
Kiwi: 2 years ago, yes.
11. Our burgers morphed into cheapo hot dog buns with no condiments. Wowza.
12. Chris: ... AP Problem!
Tessa: You can't have an AP Problem. That'll be Attitude Problem. Problem. *lots of hand gestures*
13. Mummy: I think you bowled better in primary school.
Me: I know.
Elaina: ...
[/edit]
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| After messing up one day, I mess up another.
Weak mental strength, lousy skills.
Completely hopeless.
I know people always write important things in white.
I shall follow suit.
What am I still doing here?
My bowling is terrible, my studies are horrible, my character disgusting, my brain fiddled. Oh great, I'm such a huge failture.
Yet, everyone keeps telling me to think positively.
I can't.
I'm sorry.
This is so terrible.
I can't even string a proper sentence together anymore.
And to you two horrible people who entered my room and fiddled with my things without permission: that was really rude.
Now, I shall continue to sleep until 12noon, watch Ollie Jaime Oliver on TV, hopefully feel a little better, eat, bowl, cry, stone, watch another 1200 series (if my mum allows).
Okay I really need to snap out of this terrible behaviour.
Hence I shall attempt to structure a proper sentence that would, perhaps, grant me the position of an english teacher in the near future (perhaps for kindergarten children, seeing how horrifying my results are). Okay fabulous, I've failed once again.
PS: Thank you everyone who cheered me up, or attempted to, including Mummy, Daddy (though he's in Cairo) Tessa, Abby, Chris, Elaina, Candice (both), Kiwi, Kavita, Munee, Esther, Theodor, Uncle Adam.
I need a starbucks Java Chip Regular, Verti. Or a CB&TL Ice-blended Belgium Chocolate, Large. Or I should save myself the money and blend it myself at home.
Anyway, quotes that made me cheer up a little:
..."and then why don't you say, 'but does he get any?'"
3 hours before; "Bowl straight down lah!"
3 hours later; "Oh yeah, actually the lanes are not easy."
"Usually I coach her, but today she's coaching me!"
"The Yishun toilet is so smelly that no one would want to go and hide in there to cry."
"... a drug addict!"
"Hot pink ball with pink inserts! I think he's really gay."
"No, I never say 'Damn', I say 'Dang'."
"That's the way to go, lady!"
"Anyways, there's still tomorrow. You can do it!"
Actually, there were loads more on Saturday, where I met new people and talked to some that I have never seen in my entire life. Okay I exaggerrated, it's only one person. And I'm sorry, I don't even remember your name, so I couldn't check the scoreboard to see if giving up my slot was worth it.
And I still owe my cousin a post! Therefore I must be happy, if not I'll just spend more money (not that I have any left) and never get down to writing that post.
I wonder how its like, living a life without worrying that people will scrutinize and watch your every move, criticizing things that you do.
You know, I'm chummy with every and any one (well, almost.), and I constantly wonder if that's a good or bad thing.
Gee. This really sucks.
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